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My name is Irene. ~~Fourteen~~ Seventeen,26thJanuary
Dunman High 2Kiron(!) 3MIA! (: 4MUACKZX 5C33
Green Day, All-American Rejects,
The Maine, All Time Low, A Rocket To The Moon ♥
I'm pretty cool.

To-Do/Wish List:

Learn tones of photography
Update my ipod/get itouch
Find someone
Return books and magazines
Clear junk

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

happy? new year. (Saturday, January 1, 2011)

so at this emotional time of the new year, i'm going to write my heartfelt post. Maybe be ranting cos I'm not sane now.

For the first half of this year, I was someone terrified of the future, being afraid to bond with my new intellectual classmates in 3MIA, being frightened to lose my good friends and all the wonderful things in life I had. I didn't want to go through everything alone.

The year wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I gained many new friends that were optimistic, cheerful about life, and for the first time in my life I had good (+retarded) guy friends that understood me and helped me along this tiring journey. (thanks mk, jc, kx & zc) & also funny classmates like haoyi, cass, sabrina, fena, siow & chingying. I had the company of old friends, yiling, wenxi, clara, yajun, anyi, alisa, shihming, tiffany, and a few others I really can't remember at this unearthly hour sorrry. And so being totally unfocused and harboring a lackadaisical attitude for school, I have carelessly done homework esp. French (or sometimes even undone), and pieces of worksheets that are copied before morning assembly, minimal consistent revision time and of course maximum procrastination. I didn't give my best, I just tried to survive this entire year cramming in everything at the last minute. Having a competitive streak within me, I always wanted to be one of the best, but I didn't have the heart to work for it. I'm really really lazy, and I have no one to blame. My results this year were fine, but it wasn't of my best capabilities, but I guess I've no regrets about this.

I previously thought that the toughest challenge this year would be to overcome PLTC, and that once I pull through it, life would be enjoyable and carefree. Well, I did survive it and left with no regrets. But the anxiety + toughness is really nothing compared to things in life that you can't control. Like your relationships, and the way you can't help but feel about things you see with your own eyes. PLTC, I can train endlessly for it and maximize preparation, but relationships, you can't control what the other person thinks, and it's sometimes so hard and awkward. It's really tough facing people, that you like or maybe don't. You really have got to put alot of heart into knowing somebody. And I've been unfeeling and uncaring towards people that were nice to me. I wish I won't hurt people that much this new year. Even if it means putting up a false front, and not giving that sulky black natural expression of mine, I would do it.

Something that changed within me this year was my emotions welled in the inner heart? (maturity wise I'm still pretty mature as ever I think haha -.-) Last year I was just some dumb blonde having fun with everything. This year it got more complex. I felt for people, and there is this thing called stress. Academics wise + rships + fear for the unknown. I recall sobbing hard for yj when the wood almost crushed her fingers during a guides activity. It was damn embarassing, a big girl like me crying over this things in front of juniors, when yj is not going to die or anything -.- However I really felt terrified if she was going to lose her fingers, but anyway she recently said ‘我是靠连吃饭的’so I guess her fingers don't really matter hahaha. Yep, and this year I felt alot of highs and lows, emotional rollercoaster like Shylock. I got upset and moodswings more easily in the later part of the year, and thanks to those who tolerated me. There are nights when I can't fall asleep, and nights when my eyes & pillows get wet, yet my heart felt nothing at all, but also nights when it was so stressful and horrible that the heart will feel an immense surge of pain or anxiety, that pretty much no one can take away. It all ends up fine the next morning. But you know somehow that this feeling will come again.

Yeah I don't think I have anything else to say actually. I just hope next year will be better of course. I'm slowly learning how to control these emotions. Teen angst. May 2010 be the end of unhappy things, and 2011 be the start of a bright future. I'm actually not as optimistic as I sound.. sigh. Probably cos I'm tired. Anyway I'm not emo or sad! I'm just reflecting, and don't have to tell me to cheer up or anything, cos it's just what I think. I still believe that everything will be fine in the end, if it's not then it's not the end. Something inside me just wishes that the end will come soon

Here's wishing that all of you wld be brave & strong in facing 2011. Have a great year ahead (: